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Lesbian Partner Is A Flirt
Dear Gerda:
I am a lesbian female who has been in the
same relationship for over 8 years. My
partner and I recently joined a sports
league together and now she is acting
suggestively toward other women in the
league. I am angry and jealous. How should I
handle this?
First I would suggest that you let your
partner know that you are aware of the
behavior and how it is affecting you.
Sometimes loved ones are not aware that they
are making us feel uncomfortable. Voicing
your concern will give her the opportunity
to become aware of the behavior, and
hopefully to implement change. Try not to
rationalize the behavior away or vent your
feelings on other people. Jealousy is a
negative emotion that if not dealt with
properly can take over your relationship and
violate all boundaries and trust.
Take some time to evaluate yourself and the
relationship and try to see what is missing
or lacking. Your partner could be feeling
unloved by you and may be acting out
suggestively with the hope that you will
respond lovingly.
Trouble Coping With Breakup
Dear Gerda:
I am a 34-year-old gay male who just ended a
three-year relationship with a live-in
partner. It has only been two weeks since
the breakup and my ex is already involved
with someone I knew he was interested in. I
am having trouble coping with all of this. I
am hurt and jealous, and feel rejected. Any
kind words or advice would be appreciated.
You are allowing yourself to feel abandoned
by your ex. You did not mention the reason
for dissolving the relationship. It appears
that you were deserted by your partner long
before the breakup because he had another
love interest while he was still involved
with you.
Jealously is not a pleasant emotion. It can
alter your mood and judgment, and your
perception of other’s motives. Jealously
strips you of self. It causes you to hyper-
focus on the other person. Jealousy is
becoming too much if you if are spending
more time thinking about your ex and his new
love than you do planning for your own love
life.
The truth is that he is not doing anything
to you. For whatever reason he has
moved on and you need to do the same. Take
some time to journey back into the
relationship and see where you were in it.
What role did you play in the breakup? Were
you emotionally unavailable? Were you
supportive? Did you communicate? Whatever
negative role you played, if any, forgive
yourself. You will not be able to make it
right for you and your ex, but you will be
better for the next relationship.
